Time to let go!

Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.

Do you have a date that is very definitive in your mind? A date of when you decided that you were letting go.  A date where everything that you had worked for was finally over.

That date for me is today!!  I spent 4 years in college for a degree that was completely useless.  I actually started college before high school ended.  Every 5 years from the date that I received that degree I had to go back to school to keep my teaching certificate. I volunteered countless hours of my life to help teachers, guide teachers, assist principals on technology in schools.  I gave up every Friday of my life one school year to integrate technology into a classroom. I met teachers in restaurants at night, I met with teachers on their lunch breaks, I met with teachers in my home, I met with teachers during my breaks.  I created video lessons to fix problems that teachers were having. I have created blogs, websites and email lists for teachers. My work has gotten teachers recognized by the district.  I was called to sub in classrooms with broken computers because they knew that when I left they would be fixed. I spoke on stage to a huge gathering of teachers about technology at a district wide professional development seminar. I warned administrators of giant financial mistakes related to technology that they were making only to see what I had warned them of come to fruition.  I have studied, researched and studied even more about education and technology.  I have worked with teachers around the world on projects. I have read books, listened to speeches, dreamed of attending conferences that you have to be with a school district to attend.  I have volunteered to teach technology classes for teachers at a tech conference. I have worked with student teachers who want to be teachers.  I have had lengthy conversations with them where they can't take notes fast enough because their college education has not prepared them to be adequate teachers today.  I have taught technology classes for teachers who couldn't do it themselves while I was on my lunch break from my job.  I have watched people in powerful positions make bad decisions because they are threatened by others.  I have watched other people in powerful positions make stupid decisions for their own gain.

You might ask why someone would devote so much of their life to something that they were not being paid for.  I can honestly tell you that I hoped that all of that hard work would pay off in the end that someone would see the value that I could bring. That my dream of teaching teachers (for pay) would become a reality.  They say that if you do what you love then you never work a day in your life.  I had hoped that I would be allowed to do what I love.

A major turning point for me occurred today and for the first time since 1997 I will not renew my teaching certificate this summer.  I will no longer be a teacher on paper.  I gave this goal every ounce of my being but the stars did not align.  So I can now say confidently that I did everything within my power and there is nothing more that I can do so I am letting go.  This was the path that I chose and don't get me wrong it is what I loved doing I just wish that the end result had been different.

Life on social media can easily be portrayed as perfect.  Well, life isn't perfect, life is hard!  I am hoping that that saying about the door closing and the door opening is true.